ONE STEP BACK, TWO STEPS FORWARD
©Itinari
Since deciding to run Ultra-Trail Du Mont Blanc (“UTMB”) in August 2015 and turning into my dream, I have come a long way. It feels like the journey in itself has turned into an ultra trail, filled with plenty of steep ascends and wild downhill sections, mental highs and lows. More than eight years into this journey, the most recent segment of this adventure best compares to a difficult, technical trail. Running countless races and accumulating thousands of kilometers by foot, I came to realise that it was time to hold my breath and pause. So, let’s take one step back and rewind my journey until today.
After witnessing the start of UTMB in 2015 and committing to the pursuit of running around Mont Blanc, I entered into the ultra running scene. I increased my weekly kilometre count and changed from lifting weights to a more holistic strength training. In 2016 I run my first-ever ultramarathon at Lake Garda, then I run around Matterhorn and suddenly I finished 15th at the Cappadocia Ultra-Trail, which was my first-ever 100K.
While taking my first steps on the trails, I was living in Berlin in 2016, before moving to Barcelona in 2017. I was training and running well. Marathon Des Sables became the highlight of the year, whereas Eiger Ultra Trail was a special experience shared with dear friends. Completing the latter, also meant that I had qualified to run UTMB in the following year, i.e. taking the final step towards fulfilling my dream.
During Eiger Ultra Trail I was running with an injury. I suffered from a strained ligament on my left ankle, but I insisted on running. I completed the course, but afterwards I was sidelined for a few weeks. It reminded me of the importance of a holistic training approach including all the things - warm-ups and cool downs, stretching and strengthening, nutrition, and of course, the right mix of running and recovery.
In 2018 I moved to Frankfurt am Main, where I started to work in investment banking, which turned my training plan upside down. Spending 16-hour-days at my desk, led to many tired mornings, and plenty of not-so-well-recovered and not-so-focussed runs. I became frustrated of not being able to complete my plans, so that I decided to give up on a structured regime. I shifted my focus on trying to run as much as I can and enjoy every minute, but it was not enough to finish UTMB in 2018 and 2019. It was a combination of reasonse that resulted in two DNFs - An exhausted body that received too little sleep caused by long hours in the office, combined with a non-ideal training routine and not enough food consumed throughout the races. It was huge blow, but many lessens had been learned. After failing twice, I flew to South Africa at the end of 2019 to run Ultra-Trail Cape Town. It was a wonderful experience and I had heaps of fun running along some of the most breathtaking trails.
2020 brought us a global pandemic, impacting everyone‘s lives and challenging our daily routine to an unknown extend. Races had been cancelled, gyms were closed and workouts at home became the new normal. Luckily, we were still able to go outside for a run. Unfortunately, a few too many runs led to an injured left foot for the second time. As a result, I run less and focussed on strength training, which turned into a welcome break from the road and meant that I felt the strongest in recent years.
In 2021 I started a new company as well as joined my family business, which brought me back to my home town, Essen. While preparing for Trail Menorca in the Swiss mountains, I started to feel my left ankle causing trouble again. Instead of daily runs, I opted to go on regular hikes, which reduced the impact on my ankle, while I could still benefit from higher altitude air and steep hills. Came May, I was able to complete the course, despite on-going problems with my ankle. Due to the Spanish COVID-19 regulations, the race had to be split into two parts. It meant that the race was consired less difficult and no longer eligible to be a 6-Point or 100M category race, which I needed, in order to be qualifiy for UTMB. I only became aware about this change, while watching UTMB 2021 and checking my score. At this point, I could not find an alternative race, in order to fulfill the entry requirements to participate in UTMB in 2022. After running around Menorca, I reduced my weekly kilometer count, however I did not properly treat my injury. I was invited to Silvretta 3000, where I experienced the worst cramps ever and just made it just across the finish line. A few days later, I organised City To Summit with On Running and Globetrotter. Together with a bunch of fellow runners, we run 120 kilometer from Munich’s Theresienwiese - home of the Octoberfest - to Zugspitzee, which is the highest peak in Germany.
I continue to push my body through a number of runs, while ignoring the pain of my ankle. In September, I assembled a group of friends for an epic weekend in Munich’s Englischer Garten. For a total of 29:51 hours, I run non-stop as part of TSP DIY, accumulating a total of 144 kilometers and coming 5th in the overall ranking. However, similar to Ischgl, I suffered from continuous cramping. I was close to call it quits, but continued to run and walk until the end. A few weeks later, I travelled to Amsterdam to run the Marathon with a bunch of friends. At this point, the ankle pain and moved up to the knee. It was not about logging a new PB, but sharing the experience with friends, and accepting to walk a few meteres here-and-there around the canals.
2022 - a new year, a new beginning? No. A lot of travelling, a lot of work, a lot of other things. I felt like I was running around like a headless chicken. My ankle felt better, but I continued to carry my troubles throughout the year. It reached a point, where I was not going anywhere (pun intended). Something needed to change. I did not loose sight of my goals, but I had lost joy in the process. Whenever I woke up and laced up my shoes, I knew that I would be faced with pain. I forced myself out of the door, instead of enjoying the pursuit of a long run, train at a specific zone or complete a particular workout. More so, I had lost the motivation to push through the tough days. Instead of getting up when you are tired and you simply do not want to train, I ended up giving in to my weaker self.
In July, I participated in Trail Verbier St Bernard. The course was breathtaking and for most of the time, I was having a great time. Reaching the final ascend of the day, I was facing another 1000 vertical meters and I hit the wall. I was digging deep, overcaming the final kilometers until I reached the finish line in Verbier. For the first time, I decided to bring friends and family along the ride by sharing updates via Instagram, which offered a welcome distraction. Running across the finish line in Verbier meant that I had collected all the necessary points to qualify for UTMB in 2023. I was meant to run Nice by UTMB, where I had already shifted from the 100K race to the 50K category, but my body was beaten. I canceled my bib.
At this point, I had no routine, and it felt like it did not matter, whether I train or not. Sure, starting your own company, while also entering the family business is not easy. Sure, there are days when you feel tired and less motivated. In addition to my work, I was travelling heaps and spent more time in nightclubs then on the track. I needed help. I needed someone to guide me on this journey, and bring discipline and routine back into my life. Since entering the running scene, I suffered from a few injuries, but in the last months these injuries started to prevail. It was time to seek specialists that ensure my body would not fall into pieces, and I would see the finish lines in Las Vegas and Chamonix.
I have definitely been guilty in the past of thinking that more is more, and the lighter my body the better, but this did not lead to success. Now my attitude is, I strive to be the best possible version of myself with doing the most efficent amount of work, and being the healthiest version I can be. The difficult thing with ultra-running, or life in general, is that it is so easy to look at other people and think that they are doing more than I am, or have a better body physique. It takes time to realise and come to terms with oneself that this stuff does not actually matter; everyone’s life is different, and so everyone’s training looks different. What is right for one person may not be right for you, and nothing good comes easy. There is a price of conviction and the best things in life, so go slow to go far.